活着

 只要不在意，内心便不会有波澜

遇见未知的自己

 所有的人、事、物都是你内在的投射，就像镜子一样反映你的内在

A Beginner's Guide to Losing Your Mind by Emily Reynolds

Bought this book from Big Bad Wolf, Lotus Tanjung Pinang.

At the beginning of the book, the way the writer depicted her past experience of receiving a correct diagnosis was disturbing. The writer had bipolar disorder. Her everyday life was a never-ending loop of becoming maniac and turning depressed and yet she did not receive proper (or correct) help from the National Health Services until she turned to private hospital. She was misdiagnosed for years and the medications prescribed had adverse effects on her. Her condition never got any better. 

In the journey, she was grateful to have supporting friends who understood her juggling episodes and self-harm tendencies. Her family was worried about her too - they tried to help but well, at least they tried, but it actually worsened her condition. Eventually, with the aid of the right medications and therapy sessions with the psychiatrist, she was on the road to recovery. In this book, she shared ways to help herself and how you can help if you have family or close friends with similar mental ailments. Particularly, she attached an example of mood diaries at the end of the book to show how to record whatever bad days you are having and the magnitude of the emotions associated.  

I pray the writer to get better and better as day goes by.

情绪的颜色

忧愁是淡淡的黄色，对他人温柔，唯独伤害了自己。

愤怒是鲜艳的红色，恨不得把他人撕碎，也伤害了自己。

The Story Part Three

Lifeless bodies were seen strewn in the pest-infested dump site. Nobody would have noticed that a child was still breathing shallowly among the piles of corpses. She came to her senses and started scrutinising her surroundings. The child looked extremely disheveled, she was barefooted with messy shoulder-length black hair and an unkempt dress. At a closer glance, her dress was apparently oversized while the pattern on the dress was something out of the ordinary, it was a four-edged star encompassed by a circle. Not only it was unorthodox, it was laced with gold linings that were now covered in dust and soot that they lost their former glamour. 

"I'm hungry," she thought to herself. 

She took a glance at the lifeless corpses with disdain.

The girl was a picky eater. She wouldn't want to consume something so synthetic. This is because in her opinion, humans consider processed food as their daily staple, which makes them junk food to her as well.

I prefer fresh and healthy ones.

The girl squinted at the small creatures rummaging the piles. Rats, maggots, mites, but nothing came to her liking.

They're smelly. 

The girl was exhausted, too exhausted to hunt. 

I need to find a place with people. If there's people, there's creatures. Then there's blood.

With a new bright hope in mind, she started taking one step, and another, towards wherever that smelt nicer to her. 

She was born with an innate and superior sense of smell. She just knew a settlement with humans was close by.

She walked and walked. Her legs were like jelly. She was feeble, but her dark walnut eyes denoted her igniting will.

Until a small village was in sight, her consciousness faded and her limbs fell like a stringless puppet.

A Moody Day

为什么有些人总见不得别人好？

别人比你好不可以吗？ 

为什么要贬低？

为什么要冷嘲热讽？

祝福不好吗？

为什么人性那么邪恶？

The Post

Today, I came across a post on LinkedIn that I really like it wholeheartedly. 

Don't think you deserve the job?

Apply for it anyways.

Don't think your article is good enough?

Publish it anyways.

Don't think they'll reply to your email?

Send it anyways.

It really heals my heart. These few days, I am in a infinite loop of self-doubting, hesitating whether I am suitable for the new job as it is a brand new field that I have never touched before. 

Don't self-reject when you haven't even tried. Don't overthink, just go ahead with whatever you're thinking, if you think it is worth doing irrespective of the consequences.